Awakened [me] to a Sense of [my] Nothingness

I was reading this morning in the 4th chapter of Mosiah. I have recently (and by recently I mean for the past few months) been reading from my facsimile of the first Book of Mormon. It's divided into chapters like a novel type book would be, not versus and short chapters like our current edition. It reads more like a story book, and that means you sometimes find yourself going back to read a paragraph or two more often so you can pick out the nugget of gospel knowledge that Heavenly Father wants you to know (aka what stood out to you as you read under the influence of the Spirit). And without the division into versus, sometimes the paragraphs you reread are long, almost as long as chapters in the new edition.

But back to what I wanted to share. The fourth chapter of Mosiah starts out with the King Benjamin's people just having heard the first part of his sermon from the tower at the temple. In that part of the sermon we have such jewels as Mosiah 3:19, a brief overview of the whole plan of salvation, Mosiah 2:17, how the Lord blesses us for everything we do and so we are constantly in His debt, and so many more gospel doctrines/principles/truths that I can't mention them all here (nor do I probably know them all yet, I'm still learning as we all are). But in chapter 4 verse 5-6 I was struck by a sense of my own nothingness and the greatness of God.

It seems to me that the Book of Mormon prophets often want to impress upon us the fact that we are as low as the dust of the earth. That in fact we are nothing and are so because of our fallen state, our inclination to sin and be wicked and not obey the commandments of our God. But as I was reading in verse 6 I realized that almost always, after telling us how we should understand that we are nothing, the prophets offer us the hope and the knowledge of a perfect Savior. We get a taste and a feeling of (especially if we are reading with the Spirit) His goodness, and grace, and mercy, and love. We don't have to wallow in our nothingness; the prophets don't testify of the fallen nature of man just so we will have a pity party. We are almost always immediately given, after being awakened to our human state, the upward look and the sweet taste of the heavenly state.

I imagine our Savior and our Heavenly Father talking about it before every revelation they give to the prophets past, present, and future. The love that emanates from them clearly tells us that they wouldn't have the prophets revel something that just talked about how we are nothing. They would make sure to tell the prophet, whomever it was, to tell us that we have a Savior who is full of mercy and goodness and light and righteousness. That there is a way for us to rejoice in this life because we can look up with hope and know, not just think or wish or dream but really know, that we can overcome our fallen nature and our wicked generation and our sinful inclinations. There is no other way nor means nor name that we can accomplish this and be saved, only in and through the name of Jesus Christ. How thankful I am to Him. I started off today reading about the nothingness of man and the sense of being lower than the dust of the earth. But I finish my scripture study and start this Sabbath day with hope in, joy because of, love for, and a re-dedication to the Savior. What a beautiful Sunday morning it is.

Technology!

Well, technology advances and I have finally joined the wave. I'm actually making this quick post from my phone. I will try to make a real post soon that explains what is going on in my life. But for now, suffice it to say I'm enjoying joining the mobile-internet world.

Twilight: The Movie, Tiredness, and Old Age.

"Edward, . . ." (theater full of pre-teen and teen girls shriek in over excitement)

"Bella, say it. Out loud!" (theater full of pre-teen and teen girls shriek in over excitement)

"Vampire!" (theater full of pre-teen and teen girls shriek even louder in excitement)

The much anticipated movie, Twilight, came out this weekend. I admit, I bought, read, and liked that series of books by Stephenie Meyer. I was also somewhat interested in going to see the movie. I mean, it had a lot of potential. I wasn't planning on seeing it on opening night, but let me explain what led up to the above mentioned situation.

A couple of days ago one of our friends from the ward contacted Christina and invited her to go with some other sisters in the Relief Society on opening night to see Twilight. My wife accepted and bought her ticket on Fandango. The week passes by and it's Friday afternoon. I have planned to do some laundry, play some PS2 BYU football, and generally clean up around our apartment, while my wife is at the movie. I was planning a surprise for her; to come home after a night out with her/our good friend and find that I had cleaned and organized the apartment. Lo and behold, I got a call saying our friend Michelle was really sick and wouldn't be able to go to the movie. She asked if I would buy the ticket off them, and I agreed. I hadn't planned on it, but now that the opportunity had presented itself I was excited to go. Little did I know that seemingly every 10 to 18 year old girl in and around the greater Denver Metro Area was planning on being in the same place for that movie.

Christina and I arrived at the theater almost an hour early, so that we could get good seats, and the line to get in the showing was already almost out the door (and we're not talking a single file line here, we're talking the middle school "line" of huge clumps of people standing behind the huge clump in front of them). Once we made it into the theater and had our seats everything would set off the screaming hordes of teen girl fans. The theater lights dimmed and they screamed. The projector came on and they screamed. The previews started and they screamed. The Harry Potter preview started (and that movie looks really good too) and they screamed. The actual movie we had come to see started and they screamed louder! Once the movie was playing they screamed at everything. Bella comes on screen (screams), she sees Edward (screams), they see each other (screams) and they say hi to each other (screams), they kiss (screams), etc., etc., etc. Everything induced screaming from them. Christina and I were laughing so hard we almost fell out of our seats. After it was all said and done, I realized that I felt more grown up and suddenly older than I felt I was (if that makes any sense).

If that wasn't enough, I was yawning my head off last night by 9:30 pm. I just wanted to go to bed early, but I had so much stuff to still do. In my own defense I get up very early every weekday morning and go, go, go during the day (as I'm sure everyone does). Because of my habit of getting up so early on weekdays, I also get up early automatically on the weekend. I find it hard to sleep past 8 am on Saturday, even though I stay up until past midnight on weekend nights. I hate to say it, but I felt old this weekend, and that is a scary thought.

Survey

Well, it's done. Finished. Accomplished. I have helped my company successfully start AHC Home Care of Colorado. Two months ago we had only a plastic folding table and 8 white plastic folding chairs in what now constitutes a fully functioning and tastefully decorated business office.

Two months ago I was the only employee of AHC Home Care of Colorado. Since then I have learned a lot about the boss-employee interaction, paying bills and writing/signing business checks and payroll checks, recording and containing patients' confidential information, and a whole lot of federal and state and medicare guidlines that govern the operation of any business in healthcare. The survey, an in-depth audit of everything entailed in running a home health care, happened last week and went very well. The surveyor was very nice and even helpful in allowing us to fix most of the mistakes we had, which were minor, before she left Friday afternoon. We are now just waiting for the final go-ahead for us to start taking on more patients. I'm glad that worry is over, we were successful, and I can now get on with the business of making AHC Home Care of Colorado the most successful and profitable Home Care in the company!!

Constancy and Improvement

It seems in life that we are constantly struggling between these two ends of the spectrum. We might even say that life is a dichotomy because we are either doing on of these or the other; there is not much of a middle ground. Sure we can take a look at our life as a whole and say we are somewhere in the middle, but that is just because the sum of all our individual actions and decisions is in the middle ground. We, however, are making decisions and moving towards one end of the spectrum or the other.

Now, on some things it really doesn't matter. I don't believe it matters whether we always eat our same favorite meal at our favorite restaurant. It doesn't matter if we drive to work the same way every day (unless you're a spy and you drive a different way every time to avoid getting caught, but that in and of itself would be regularity (you regularly go a different way). Besides, which one of us hasn't been a spy avoiding capture!). Hence the title of my post is not constancy and change. Change happens all the time and can be inconsequential in that respect, but improvement is what is important. Change in the right direction. I thought of this at church today. Nothing really specific that brought it on, other than I was impressed by the Spirit that i need to work on improving and not remaining constant in my sins and errors. Lest anyone think me representing myself in gross sin, let me just clarify that it is the usual "natural man" sins that we all make as we strive to live more righteously but are still in a fallen world. The Lord is so kind to me and forgives me when I repent. I can't help but have a strong twinge of guilt when I do something wrong, and that motivates me and helps me to work towards improvement. Constantly becoming something better than I am right now, constantly improving. And that brings our spectrum to a circle, or just a really messed up spectrum where you can be at both ends at the same time.

On a lighter note than the random, philosophical, spiritual ramblings you have just read, Christina and I had the opportunity to baby sit the 8 month old son of our friends from Church, while they went on a much needed date. This picture is of him showing how well behaved and cute he is. The following picture is of him when I gave him the PS2 controller to play some NCAA2008 football (as BYU of course!!). Needless to say (shout out to Robbie) he loved it!

At a Loss For Words

It seems to me that it would be easier to write after not having written in quite a few months, because you would have all sorts of comments saved up or experiences lived through or funny stories to tell. I am finding, however, that that is not necessarily the case. I've found that all weekend long I've wondered and even worried a little about what to write. I could update on what has gone on since my last blog post and the subsequent weeks since, but that would take too long and would most likely be boring for everyone concerned.

Suffice it to say that I finally got offered, and took, the health care administrator position I was waiting two years for, with Advanced Health Care. I love a lot of things I've studied and learned about in my life, so much so that my freshman year of college I had charted out the classes I would need to take to get four different majors and two minors. I wanted to study everything, but what I would like doing for my profession left me scratching my head as I learned more and more. Like someone once told me, I know a little about a lot of things, but I needed to make money and support a family by knowing a lot about a few things (my career/job/profession). Those of you who know me even a little know that my passion is people! It took me a few years and a few majors in college to realize that, but I finally learned that I wanted to do something in business because it is about people. I love helping people, I love meeting new people, I like making money, and I have a natural proclivity towards managing (which I have nurtured through various situations, church callings, and jobs in my life). Administrator of a skilled nursing transitional rehab facility is the perfect job because it blends all of those things together. As Nathan (my trainer and boss) says, "it's a people business."

As you can probably tell by now, I love my job, and previous posts have told/shown that I love my wife. Let me know tell you that I love the Denver metro area where we currently live. We have met some great people at church, the weather is nice (and not humid like Florida, so the "hot" days here aren't really that hot), and there is plenty of stuff to do. I grew up in the mountain west so it's nice to be back. I just hope Christina grows to love it as much as I do.

So what does all this lead up to? The fact that above all else I love the Lord and my heavenly Father. Why, you ask? Because everything fell together so nicely since the time of my accident to lead me to the place I currently am today. I wasn't always as patient as I should have been with the Lord's timing, but I look back over my life for the past few years and am I eternally grateful for the kindness, love, and tender, watchful care of the Lord. For everything I have in my life, the only thing I have to offer in return is a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I'm not amazingly righteous (as I need to be), nor am I particularly humble (though I joke all the time about being the most humble man you know), and I'm not even faithful enough to always keep the commandments (as I should be), but I most definitely as trying my hardest to be all those things.

And I'm most definitely really, really, really, really, ridiculously good looking!

Long Time No Hear

OK, OK I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to post again. Obviously you knew it was coming because of my last post (a few months ago), but still it's been too long. I will try to do better.

First, I love being married to the most amazing, incredible, beautiful, wonderful, cute, smart, spiritual, gorgeous, intelligent, hard working, and did I mention Gorgeous woman in the whole wide world!!!!! I wish I could spend every second of every day with her. It was wonderful starting the most amazing marriage in the world off with a very wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii. The first two of many pictures you will get from my blog are shown here below.

This is from Oahu, where we spent the first few days and visited the Polynesian Cultural Center. This photo does not do Hawaii complete justice, but you can tell, it was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the woman I married!

Now, in this picture to the right you can see me with some of my new Polynesian friends! Notice the tattoo; I was living on the wild side as soon as I got married ;). That is until I got home and it washed right off and then I was back to the mild-mannered conservative guy I've always been!

Of course we went one place that means more than almost the rest of the trip. It wasn't the reason for the trip and we didn't get to go inside because of time constraints to catch our plane but this picture below shows the LDS Laie Hawaii Temple.

Now, before you think that I only am talking about the architecture or the beauty of the grounds let me explain. Part of the splendor and beauty of the honeymoon to celebrate and commence my marriage to the most amazing woman in the world is because it is a fun, vacation to get some alone time to get to know the other person and be together. A bigger part of the special aspect and crucial part of the wedding is shown in this picture. The wedding would just be until one or the other died if not for this building shown behind us and hundreds like it around the world. The temples are the house of the Lord; the only place on earth were specially called and ordained men can marry and/or seal a couple/family for time and all eternity. God did not intend that the true love and adoration that we should feel for our spouses stop at death. He ordained that as long as we live righteously and keep his commandments we can qualify for marriage and/or sealing in a temple and then, if we keep doing those things, we can stay married for all of eternity, not just until death do us part. That is why this picture means so much to me. It is the reason Christina and I are holding each other so tightly; because we know we can be an eternal family thanks to the plan the Lord has ordained for mankind. I love Christina with all my heart, and that is made stronger because of my love for heavenly Father and His love for us!